Pondering Death

It may seem odd to include an article on death when the focus is on Healthy Ageing.

In my practice, I see many people of various ages and healths fearing death. On the other hand, I have some who are so disabled from illness that they welcome death. Death is our most misunderstood companion, for without life you cannot have death. 

There is a Greek myth that illustrates this conundrum. Eos, a goddess, fell deeply in love with a mortal named Tithonus. Being a goddess she lives forever, and Tithonus, being mortal, would grow old and die. She asked Zeus to grant Tithonus immortality. Zeus granted her wish, but there was a catch, Eos forgot to ask for eternal youth as well as immortality.

Tithonus lived forever but continued to age with frailty and suffered disease but could not die. He could never befriend death.

Let’s us mortals look at life and death.

In between birth and death, we have our lives. First, let’s look at life.

Your life—was it by chance? 

Out of the hundreds of millions of sperm from your father, only one made it to the egg in your mother. That conjugation became you. The rest of the millions of sperm were potential lives, but you beat them all. They did not get a chance at life. 

Even before that, consider the variables. 

What were the chances of your parents coming together? How did your parents meet? Were they childhood sweethearts? Was it a chance encounter—the look your mother had? Was it an action your father took? Was it an introduction? Was it an accidental meeting? Being at the same place at the same time? 

One tiny variation, and they would not have met.

A different day, a different attitude, a delay at work, meeting an old friend and going elsewhere. Then that particular combination of sperm and egg could not exist.

You would not exist.

But they did meet, and so you are.

You have the privilege of life. 

Against so many odds, you came to exist. You were the lucky one. It is the lucky ones that must die. The unlucky ones don’t die, for they did not get a chance to live.

Contemplating death helps us live more fully by appreciating the present moment.

So wrote the Stoic philosophers like Marcus Aurelius. Living with the fear of death prevents us from fully experiencing life. It is like watching a beautiful sunset while anxiously counting the minutes until it ends, rather than just experiencing it, being totally present, and enjoying it.

Healthy aging is not about trying to escape death.

It is about living the best life possible for as long as possible. And when death comes, to welcome it with gratitude for the life lived. We are all at different stages of life and health, each capable of living fully within our circumstances.

Writing that reminds me of the Serenity Prayer

God, grant me the serenity to accept things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

Whether you believe in God or not, I hope you appreciate the message in those words.

I will close this article with the poem (and a part of) of one of my favourite poets.

When Death Comes, by Mary Oliver

When it’s over, I want to say all my life

I was a bride married to amazement

I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms

When it’s over, I don’t want to wonder

if I have made of my life something particular, and real

I don’t want to find myself sighing and frightened

or full of argument 

I don’t want to end up simply having visited this world.

And she states in “The Summer Day

“……Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”

Death comes to us all. With Healthy Ageing we can embrace each day with vitality, nurturing our physical bodies with mental clarity and emotional resilience. Unlike Tithonus, we can live fully so that when the final sunset arrives, we can appreciate its profound gifts. The gifts of Life and Death.

References:

1. Robert Greene: Your life—was it by chance? the concept taken from his podcast.

Medical Disclaimer:

This newsletter is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. The content should not replace professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the guidance of your doctor or other qualified health professional with any questions you may have regarding your health or a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay seeking it because of something you have read in this newsletter. Reliance on any information provided here is solely at your own risk.